Activity Paragraph
It's a place where you can explain why one of your activities is important to you. It provides a small window into your passions and personality.
OLD PROMPT:
Please briefly elaborate on one of your extracurricular activities or work experiences in the space below.
NEW PROMPT:
Discuss an accomplishment or event, formal or informal, that marked your transition from childhood to adulthood within your culture, community, or family
Some guidelines to keep in mind.
1. Pick the Right Activity
It may be tempting to pick an activity because you think it needs further explanation. You may be worried that the one-line description in the extracurricular section of the Common Application isn't clear. However, the Short Answer shouldn't be viewed as a place for clarification. You should focus on a long-term activity that means a lot to you.
Admissions Officers really want to see what makes you tick. Use this space to elaborate upon your greatest passion whether that be playing chess, swimming, or working at the local bookstore.
2. Explain Why the Activity is Important to You
The prompt uses the word "elaborate." Be careful how you interpret this word. You want to do more than describe the activity. You should analyze the activity.
Why is it important to you?
For example, if you worked on a political campaign, you shouldn't simply describe what your duties were. You should explain why you believed in the campaign. Discuss how the political views of the candidate intersected with your own beliefs and values.
The true purpose of the Short Answer isn't for the admissions officers to learn more about the activity; it's for them to learn more about you. As an example, Christie's short answer does a great job showing why running is important to her.
3. Be Precise and Detailed
Whatever activity you chose to elaborate upon, make sure you present it with precise details. If you describe your activity with vague language and generic details, you will fail to capture why you are passionate about the activity. Don't simply say you like an activity because it is "fun."
Ask yourself why it is fun- do you like the teamwork, the intellectual challenge, the travel, the feeling of physical exhaustion?
4. Make Every Word Count
1,000 characters isn't a lot - perhaps 180 words. You want to choose every word carefully. The short answer needs to be concise and substantive. You have no space for wordiness, repetition, digression, vague language or flowery language. You should also use most of the space you are given. An 80 word response is failing to take full advantage of this opportunity to tell the admissions folks about one of your passions. To get the most out of your 1,000 characters, check out this article on essay style tips. Also check out Gwen's short answer for an example of a response that is plagued by repetition and vague language.
5. Strike the Right Tone
The tone of your short answer can be serious or playful, but you want to avoid a couple common pitfalls. If your short answer has a dry, matter-of-fact tone, your passion for the activity will not come across. Try to write with energy. Also, watch out for sounding like a braggart or egotist. See Doug's short answer for an example of a problematic tone.
6. Be Sincere
It is often easy to tell if an applicant is creating a false reality in an effort to impress the admissions officers. Don't write about your work at a church fundraiser if your true passion is actually football. A college won't admit someone just because the student is a do-gooder. They will admit students who reveal motivation, passion, and honesty.
SAMPLES:
OWN BUSINESS:
Doug: Good example of why BRAGGING is not a good idea.....
My freshman year I founded Beat the Joneses, a lawn care company. I was a kid with a hand-pushed mower, a second-hand weed whacker, and a desire to build a successful and profitable company. Three years later, my company has four employees and I’ve used the profits to buy a riding mower, two trimmers, two hand mowers and a trailer. This kind of success comes naturally to me. I’m good at advertising locally and convincing my customers of the value of my services. I hope to use these skills in college as I earn my business degree. Business is my passion, and I hope to be even more financially successful after college.
Critique of Doug's Short Answer Response by Application Officer:
What Doug has accomplished is impressive. Most college applicants haven't started their own business and hired employees. A college business program would probably be impressed by Doug's accomplishments.
Doug's short answer response, however, has some problems. The most significant issue is that Doug comes off sounding like a braggart and an egotist. The phrase "this kind of success comes naturally to me" is likely to rub the admissions officers the wrong way. Doug sounds full of himself. While a college wants confident students, it doesn't want obnoxious ones.
Also, Doug comes across as someone who doesn't think he has much to learn in college. Why exactly does he want to go to college if he already thinks he has all the skills he needs to run a business?
The overall message that we get from Doug's essay is that the writer is someone who thinks very highly of himself and likes to make money. If Doug has any ambitions more noble than "profit," he hasn't made those goals clear in his short answer response. Doug does not sound like someone who will be a charitable and contributing member of a campus community.
Colleges hear all too frequently that students want to attend so that they can get a great job and make money. However, if students have no passion for learning and participating in college life, the road to that degree will be fraught with problems. Doug's short answer doesn't succeed in explaining the connection between his lawn care company and his desire to spend four years of his life studying business.
RUNNING:
Christie: A good example of motivating ‘WHY’
It is the simplest of movements: right foot, left foot, right foot. It is the simplest of actions: run, relax, breathe. For me, running is both the most basic and the most complex activity I perform in any day. While my body adjusts to the challenges of gravel paths and steep inclines, my mind is free to drift, to sift through whatever needs sorting or disposing -- the upcoming day’s tasks, an argument with a friend, some nagging stress. As my calf muscles loosen and my breathing settles into its deep rhythm, I am able to release that stress, forget that argument, and set my mind in order. And at the midway point, two miles into the course, I stop at the hilltop vista overlooking my little town and the surrounding woodlands. For just a moment, I stop to listen to my own strong heartbeat. Then I run again.
Critique of Christie's Short Answer Essay
Christie has focused on a personal activity, running, not any history-making achievement, team triumph or world-changing social work. As such, the short answer essay does not highlight any kind of remarkable accomplishment or personal talent.
But think about what this short answer essay does reveal -- Christie is someone who can find pleasure in the "simplest" of activities. She is someone who has found an effective way for dealing with stress and finding peace and equilibrium in her life. She reveals that she is in tune with herself and her small town environment.
This one little paragraph gives us the impression that Christie is a balanced, thoughtful, sensitive and healthy person. These are all dimensions of her character that will not come across in her lists of grades, test scores and extracurriculars. They are also personal qualities that will be attractive to a college.
The writing is also solid -- Christie's prose is tight, clear and stylistic without being over-written. The length is a perfect 823 characters/148 words. For both the writing and the content, Christie has written a winning short answer essay.
TUTORING MATH:
In the beginning of my senior year, our school decided to create a math tutoring program aimed to reduce the number of students receiving D's and F's. Student tutors were only selected from the senior AP Calculus classes. Being a fervent fan of mathematics, I was honored to become a member of the tutor team. Although most tutors only volunteered one to two hours each week, I was one of the two tutors who devoted one hour each day to assist the underclassmen. It was a joy teaching the beginners. Not only did my schoolmates improve their grades, but I myself also profited from this program: my communication skills were sharpened, my knowledge of basic geometry and algebra was refreshed, and most importantly, my sense of accomplishment was fulfilled with the belief that I have positively affected someone's life.
(682 characters)
HORSE RIDING:
I don't ride for blue ribbons or Olympic golds, although I respect and admire those chosen few who do. I don't ride for the workout, although my trembling muscles at the end of a good lesson indicate otherwise. I don't ride because I have anything to prove, although I've proven a lot to myself along the way.
I ride for the feeling of two individual beings becoming one, so perfectly matched that it's impossible to tell where rider ends and horse begins. I ride to feel the staccato beat of hooves against dirt echoed in the rhythm of my own heart. I ride because it isn't easy to navigate a creature with a mind of its own around a course of solid obstacles, but in that perfect moment when horse and rider work as one, it can be the easiest thing in the world. I ride for an affectionate nose nudging my shoulder as I turn to leave, searching for a treat or a pat or murmured words of praise. I ride for myself, but for my horse as well, my partner and my equal.
(965 characters)